Letting the Light Shine in

Hormones were raging, irritability and moodiness were at an all time high. I had no desire to go anywhere or see anyone. Being in my bed, alone, in the dark, was where I wanted to be. If I didn't have Amelia, I'd of done exactly that everyday. I started fights about nothing for no reason. I had attitude all the time. I was not happy with anything and I thought I was the most horrible mom. I went in search of answers because I knew these feelings weren't normal. I mean, I have so much to be happy and thankful for, yet those were not the emotions I had.....ever.
I looked up postpartum depression, thinking some of my symptoms probably lined up with that diagnosis; however, Amelia was nearly 4 months old and I figured PPD would be obvious from the moment she was born. My gut was right, but I hated to admit it. I was ecstatic that I had found the answer, but almost ashamed that it was postpartum depression. At first I didn't want to tell anyone and only told my mom, my husband, and 1 friend. I felt like it meant I couldn't handle being a mom, but I wouldn't want to be anything else. Talking about it helped immensely. Reading about what I could do to treat it without going on medication made me feel better too. Simple things like opening the blinds and letting the light shine in, spending time with friends, asking for help when I need it, decreasing caffeine intake, being outdoors and staying active have worked well so far. Although I still have my bad days, probably due to my inability to cut out caffeine completely, I get through them. I realize I'm human. And thanks to talking to my friends, I realized I'm not alone. It's way more common than I ever thought and that makes me feel better too.